how to set boundaries & practice self-compassion this Christmas
Christmas is a time of the year where there may be many mixed thoughts and feelings. On the one hand, it can be a wonderful time to connect with loved ones, share meals and gifts and a great opportunity to take some much needed time off from study or work. On the other hand, for some it may surface some feelings of discomfort when anticipating obligatory catch ups with people who you’d rather distance from, or a sense of overwhelm about all of the things that need to be done by the end of the year.
Regardless of how you view the festive season, there are some simple things that you can be mindful of to ensure that you’re celebrating the festive season in a way that is true for what you need, and that you are able to come out the other side feeling good about how you have navigated it.
the overwhelm
The to do list at this time of the year can be never ending. Wrapping up work deadlines, purchasing gifts, trying to balance out all of the social commitments… Phew! It’s a lot. Taking the time to write a list of everything and triaging tasks into groups of priorities can be a helpful way to reduce the perception of it all being too much and the pressure to be everywhere for everyone.
If you think of the triaging like a pyramid with three sections descending from most important (to you, not others!) to least, you can then work out what is worth your time investment, what is good to do if you can and what to tap out of.
pacing yourself
With so much excitement for the end of year celebrations, it’s tempting to overindulge in everything that’s on offer. Whether it be food, drink, or socialising, any of this done to excess can leave us more tired at the end of the holidays than when they began! Pacing yourself and having a plan with your own internal boundaries can assist in ensuring that you’re not burning the candle at both ends.
Listen to what your body needs and know what your limits are to maintain a balance. Hydration, moving your body a little each day and fuelling your body with nourishing foods are the building blocks to sustained energy and a clear mind.
tricky conversations
Having to talk to people who are not aligned with your values or views is a very common pitfall of Christmas catch ups. That uncle who has big opinions on world events or that aunty who has a tendency to cast judgement on the way someone looks or what they are doing with their life can leave us feeling drained, frustrated or even insecure. Knowing that 'opinions are not facts' and that 'just because someone’s voice is loud, doesn’t make it true for you’ are two helpful mantras to keep in mind for these types of conversations.
It’s okay for you to only have surface level communication with some people. Being prepared with some one liners to navigate these interactions can also be helpful. “I haven't really been paying much attention to the news lately” or “I'm actually really comfortable with where I’m at at the moment” can be gentle but firm responses.
grief
Grief during the festive period can be more intense than usual. Family gatherings without a loved one present is profoundly sad and highlights how much they are dearly missed. Ambiguous grief about various things such as missed plans, missed people, or plans not turning out the way that you had hoped can cast a real shadow over the Christmas period. In moments such as this self-compassion is so important.
Honouring the emotions surrounding grief, then moving towards restoration will ensure that you navigate these vulnerable moments in a helpful way. It’s okay to celebrate and have fun, despite being deeply sad that someone isn’t there. It’s also equally as important to be able to express your emotions without concern for the impact on others. Suppressing your emotions will usually catch up with you at some point, and not in a good way!
If any of these experiences are taking a toll, reach out for support. Speak to a loved one about how you are feeling or seek a support service such as The Butterfly Foundation or Beyond Blue. Help is always available, and you are worthy of the support. Sometimes a compassionate conversation is all we need to course correct back to mindful, value led choices and self-care strategies.
Article written by Kate Harrison
Kate Harrison is a registered Counsellor. Any advice shared in this article is general in nature and is not a substitute for seeking professional mental health support. If you would like extra support, there is help available. Your GP is a great place to start, from there they can direct you to a service that is right for you.
If you want more from Kate, you can follow her on Instagram or visit her website.
