a word on navigating appearance-based bullying at school
Did you know that 77.7% of young people have received comments, or been teased, about their appearance? And did you also know that so much of that is happening while they’re at school.
why is this happening?
There are a number of reasons why some young people think that making a comment about another person’s appearance is okay. It is so normalised in family homes, sports clubs, pop culture and even in government campaigns to shame people for their body and food choices.
the home
Let’s start with the home – we live in what has now been coined, “normative discontent.” This means that it is perfectly normal for us to feel bad about our bodies most of the time. Think about it, many of us actually bond over the shared, normal discomfort with our bodies. When shared with our young people, we normalise feeling discontent in the body we’re in
government initiatives
This normative discontent is then layered by government initiatives that correlate weight with health. They show images and videos of headless people walking around and shame them for the way they look. They promote products that are ‘healthy’ and the ‘better choice’ which then almost gives permission for our young people to comment on the food choices of others under the guise of caring about their health
health messages
This is layered by health messaging they received from unqualified people with the desirable body type online. What I eat in a day videos, promotion of supplements to ‘bulk’, skin clearing smoothies are all ways that convince our young people that the way we look rests solely on our own personal choices and implies that those who don’t fit within this are ‘lazy’ or ‘not trying hard enough’.
society that idolises thinness
Then there is the layer of living in a society that idolises thinness and overtly makes jokes at people in larger bodies. People making cheap shots at people in larger bodies for laughs is so normalised that a young person may not even realise that laughing along or repeating those jokes causes harm to those on the receiving end of them.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
what can we do?
This is a huge issue, and I am definitely not suggesting that every parent or teacher is responsible for resolving this issue within their home and school community. An issue like this requires systemic change, but there are things you can do.
explain
First is to sit with your young person and explain why a comment they have made might be hurtful. If they are the one that has been bullied, reassure them that all bodies look different and it is okay to feel uncomfortable feelings of hurt, shame and embarrassment.
diversify
Give them places to go for support, diversify the images they see of others and call it out when you hear someone making jokes at another person’s expense.
It is about taking small steps to improve the way the next generation speak and feel about their bodies
Want to learn more? I offer presentations and workshops to teachers and parents to support them in navigating these issues.
I know we all care so much about supporting young people, and helping them to feel confident and proud in their body, so I can’t wait to connect with you!
We can chat here!
