30 lessons I know at 30 (that I wish I knew at 15)
Some of my favourite content to read and listen to of late is people sharing the lessons they’ve learnt in life so far. This weekend I turn 30, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to share a collection of lessons I’ve learnt so far.
Many of these I’ve learnt at the tail end and, to be honest, I am still working at applying them. I have no doubt that in a few years (or decades if I’m lucky enough) I will look back and giggle at my naivety. That said, I think there is still value in acknowledging where I am now.
In no particular order, here is my list of 30 lessons I know at 30 (that I wish I knew at 15).
1. You don’t have to follow the plan you set for yourself when you were 15.
When I was 15, I wrote a detailed plan documenting all the steps I would need to take to get to where I wanted to be at 30. I was very young and had no idea what was in stall for me (does anyone?). Some of the hardest times in my twenties have been when I was trying to stick to the plan when, in reality, everything was pointing in another direction. I believe it’s important to have goals and ambitions, but when it is clear that those are no longer aligned with the life you want to lead, it might be time to let them go.
2. You don’t know unless you ask.
If you don’t ask the question, you will never know.
3. If you’re going to wear liquid eyeliner, allow for an extra 20 minutes of getting ready time.
It took me way too long to learn this one.
4. Food is so much more than just fuel, it is the way we connect and celebrate. It is there to be enjoyed.
Choose food you love eating, prepare it with care, and take a moment to have gratitude for the food and the people around you to eat it with.
5. Changing and fixating on your body will not bring you happiness, your body is incredible just as it is today.
‘Fixing’ your body won’t miraculously change the way you feel about yourself or your life.
6. Choose who you want to share your precious time with carefully.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised just how limited time is as a resource. When you can, choose to spend it with people that fill your cup.
7. You don’t need to take advice from everyone, as Brené Brown says, “If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback”.
There are always going to be people that have little interest or knowledge of your work, sport, business, hobby, vocation that will try and give you advice. You don’t have to take it – say “thank you” and move forward.
8. “Thoughts are not facts” – Kate Harrison (aka my counsellor)
Not everything your mind tells you is true. Challenge the thoughts that arise, you might find that the thought is an old story that is no longer true or relevant to where you are now.
9. It’s not always your fault, look at the whole situation before assuming you’re to blame.
If someone beeps while I’m on the road, I immediately assume that I’m in the wrong (which, from the ages of 18 to 25 90% of the time I was). But, with time I’ve gotten much better at it. Driving aside, it is really important that we have confidence in ourselves. Sometimes we will be wrong, and things will be our fault, but don’t just assume that.
10. You don’t have to do things at the same time or in the same way as those around you.
This comes back to the plan (lesson 1). As the eldest child, I thought it was my responsibility to set the example and do everything in the ‘right’ way. What I’ve learnt is that there is no ‘right’ way. I can do things at my own pace, and in my own way.
11. If you don’t like something or something isn’t working, that’s your cue to assess what’s in your control to change.
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. I have stayed in jobs, in friendships and in relationships where I have been so unhappy, but been unwilling to change or do anything differently. You can’t always change jobs and you definitely can’t change people, but you can step back to assess what is within your control and take steps toward a different outcome.
12. People can’t read your mind.
Just trust me on this one.
13. A healthy relationship is not one without conflict.
Conflict is uncomfortable and unsettling, but without it relationships suffer and struggle. It is far better to voice what’s on your mind, than pretending you are unbothered.
14. It’s far better to be interested than interesting.
Spend more time listening than talking, you might just learn something.
15. It’s beautiful when people believe in you, but it means very little if you don’t believe in yourself first.
Sometimes we can talk ourselves down or dismiss the things we’ve achieved as a “fluke” or “luck”, but ultimately no matter how you got there or how you achieved it, you did it.
16. An afternoon listening to my grandparents share stories is never an afternoon wasted.
I’m currently up to chapter five of my nonna’s life, she has just moved from Italy to Australia. She is 17, and working in a factory… I’m about to approach the part where she meets my nonno. No spoilers please.
17. You’re allowed to change your mind, it’s about having strong opinions that are loosely held.
It is okay to believe in things and say them with conviction, but having the willingness to be wrong or change that view is of paramount importance for growth.
18. “Confidence does not come from an expectation of success. It comes from a comfort with failure” – Mark Manson.
I pinched this one from Mark Manson’s ‘40 Life Lessons I Know at 40 (That I Wish I Knew at 20)’ because I read it and it resonated with me so much. When you have a business, you have more bad ideas than good ideas. You fail at something almost daily, and are always looking at ways to do things better. I have confidence that I will be able to get through that failure now because I know the biggest regret would be not to try.
19. No one is as invested in your life as you are, so why waste time living it to meet the expectations of others?
Be brave enough to be you, everyone else is mostly focussed on themselves.
20. Rewatching a childhood movie is a gateway to a much better mood.
Toy Story 2 anyone?
21. “You never regret a swim” – Max Paxton (aka my partner)
I think Max says this at least twice a week. For me, the hardest part is putting on my bathers and convincing myself that the swim won’t completely derail my hair washing schedule (someone fetch the violin for my first world problem). Butttttt, diving under that first wave is up there with one of the greatest thrills.
22. In every day, no matter how bad, there will always be at least three things that go well. You just need to search for them.
For the past five years I have spent two minutes every night writing down three things that have gone well. Even on the hardest of days, there are at least three things that go well. Pay attention to nature, small acts of kindness, and the pockets of joy that present.
23. Just because something works for someone else, it doesn’t mean it is going to work for you.
Diets, exercise regimes, online courses, beauty products, and supplements all have a different impact on the people that try them. It is never as simple as, “this worked for me, so it’s going to work for you too!”.
24. Not everyone has your best interests at heart (grim, I know).
Be careful who you trust. I have gotten myself into many a situation where I have given and shared far too much with the wrong person. If your gut is telling you to slowly back away, it’s not a bad idea to do so.
25. When dating or meeting new people, instead of thinking “I hope they like me”, question “do I like them?”
I found myself on dating apps at 28 after a five-year relationship with someone I had known since I was a teenager ended. It had been a long time, and I had changed a lot. In my late teens and early twenties, I craved the approval of others. I moulded myself into the person I thought would make my partner the most happy and me look the most attractive. When I reframed my approach to question if I actually liked them, I found that I said “no” to a lot more people. It takes two in a relationship and if you spend the whole-time doing things to “please” them, you’re going to be the one that is unhappy. Look for someone that lights you up, inspires you, and that you’re curious about. If you want to keep learning about them, play on. If not, they may not be the person for you and that’s okay.
26. Uncertainty is part of life.
Nobody has a crystal ball guiding them to the next best step to take. We need to do the best we can with the information we have available (another Max Paxton quote). Sometimes things will work out just as we’d hoped, and other times we will need to come up with a new plan. That’s life.
27. You can’t change the way someone reacts, but you can choose how you respond.
I’m just going to leave this one here.
28. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
Even if it seems like someone is going through things that are far worse than you are, it doesn’t mean that you can’t ask for support if you need it. It is a sign of strength to acknowledge and realise that you can’t do something alone.
29. Laughing is one of life’s greatest joys, do it often.
Being in uncontrollable fits of laughter in the company of people I love brings me more happiness than I can express here.
30. Not everything you do has to be productive or go towards your goals, give yourself permission to just choose joy.
I know this to be true, but my execution of this is still quite shaky. Maybe by 40 I’ll have this down pat.
Take from this list what you will remembering, of course, that these are just a few strong opinions loosely held 😉 What are some lessons you’ve learnt so far? Please send me a DM on Instagram, because I would love to know!
